虽然被放弃,心碎人孤寂...虽然我愿意 - 伍家辉

Friends have been asking am I ok, asking me to be strong, telling me that they love me.
I am touched and would die in gratitude.

Honestly I am ok. 真的，我没事。


I mourned for the 2 days and third day once I am back to work, I think I am ok. I laughed like I should and I feel like it at work.
Work wise has been so-so, better than the down days.


I keep thinking...Is this real?Is Jason leaving me for good?Is this break up or cool down?
With the normalcy of life, I felt this is quite manageable.
Jason is not the sort that would contact me often anyhow on normal days and I am not the sort that would mop by the days pathetically...Not yet.


I wonder is this good? Would we really be able to get back? Would we resume contact soon? Would he realise that his life is surely better without me but then again, I am just but a day outta his seven in a week? Would it makes a difference for him or would he realise that eventually there is not much of a major difference.

I don't know, I really don't. The places we have been to are almost everywhere and they are all so new in the memory. Just a walk to Marina Sq - Suntec - home flashes so many, just so many times that Jason & I...were there.


Is this just memories that I am afraid to let go? I guess a major part.


The odd thing is I do not feel like crying now. I think I have exhausted my tear ducts on that 2 days and now...I don't know.


Everything is a great deal of I don't know now and seriously, I don't know how Jason is doing.
I can't help but to message him last night at 11pm last night,reminding him to take care and not just bury himself to work.

On past circumstances, he would not reply any time sooner he received the message. If he is working, he would perhaps give me a reply only after he ends his work.
I would be waiting. Waiting for his reply, wishing for more warmth in it, anticipating the arrival of tomorrow cos' we would be meeting.

It's a brilliant weather today and I'm not working. It's a day I would hate to waste it sleeping.
Jason's message woke me up at 9.30am.
His reply came so late, arrived so cold.

I guess not just disappointment washes me down. It was also a feeling of 'giving up' or maybe 'given up'.

Disappointed that his message came only so late. That is the usual disappointment that I always got when I was with him. He is not the sort that would perhaps like SW, fingering his mobile like it is stuck to his hand once his beau messages. (Lolx)
He would only reply when he is settled with his work but NOT immediately. Only like when he is done parting with his friends etc then replied.
Maybe that is just my judgement but there is no more warmth in his messages as years went by.

Given up/Giving up...Is the message, the way he replied now. Whether he did it on intention or just the way he wanna reply me, it just spelt the feeling across.

Is it the case we just say goodbye for good?
Somethings in life...The moment you said goodbye, the line would be drawn there and you'd realised there's hardly any chance of return.

Instead of everything that night, this is the eventual feeling I get or is this just the beginning?
Beginning of a long route.